Part of me
by LongLiveWerewolves
Summary: The full moon dictates his way of life. For Remus, nothing more than pain, fear and unconsciousness. For the Wolf a moment of freedom where he reunites with his silver maiden.


Hello! This is my first attempt to translate one of my fics to English, so I am already sorry for any misspelled words or mistakes in the grammar that you guys may found.

Anyway, this is a one-shot based on the transformations that Remus endured while at Hogwarts. I know that the excuse that I come up to explain the Greyback attack is very lame. I actually made another fic just to tell this episode, but I didn't have the courage to translate yet.

None of these characters belongs to me, of course. I hope you enjoy it!

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The Gryffindor Common Room was, as always, full and taken by the racket that the students usually do. After all, it was impossible for a place to stay calm and quiet with the presence of James Potter and Sirius Black. The center of the room was the stage for their little show; which means: make jokes and test the Levicorpus spell on the "volunteers". Peter was sit next to them, with his watery eyes shining with joy as he admired the skills of his great friends. Only two persons weren't excited. One of them was a redhead occupied with the worn out pages of a DADA book, focusing her extremely green eyes on the tiny black words. But her eyes weren't moving. In that very moment, the Head-girl was trying to calm down because, otherwise, she'd just tell everyone to shut up. She knew it was useless; she already tried to threat James and Sirius with detention and the famous dog-like laugh made by Sirius and an "only if you go out with me, Lily" were the answers she got. Furious the girl turn her back on them and went back for her book, too occupied to notice that the "incredible four" were incomplete.

One of them was missing.

Remus Lupin could be found sitting in the window sill in the boy's dormitory. Even with the door closed he was able to listen to all James's explosive laughs and the "YAYs" that Peter made every now and then. But he wasn't in the mood. By the way, he knew his friends weren't either. They just kept doing such tumult to distract all the colleges. Because tonight's an unusual night and, doing so, no one would be able to notice that Lupin wasn't studying next to the fireplace as always. In a few hours the full moon would be glowing in the sky and the signs were more than clear in his features.

The beast is waking up.

He let out a deep sigh, watching the sunset and the approaching night of agony. His face was paler than usual and the shadows around his eyes had nothing to do with the previous nights that he spent awake studying. Aching, he had so many mood changes that he felt it was better stay in the dormitory alone waiting for the right time to go to the Shrieking Shack. Even with his 17 years old, Remus wasn't used yet with the transformations and at least once a month he asked himself how his life would be if he hadn't chased that ball, years ago.

Trying to forget these kinds of thoughts, Remus shakes his head vigorously. But instead of helping, all these shakes only gave to him a nice headache. The old clock imprisoned in his right wrist told him that it was time to go. Jumping from the window sill to the floor the boy made a grimace of pain and walked to the corner of the room were a big mirror sat in silence. He put on his second-hand black cloak and, reluctantly, took off his Prefect badge (localized right above the Gryffindor Lion coat of arms); this badge won't be needed in the place he was going.

He went back to look himself in the mirror and was stunned to see the sickening white color of his face. Suddenly he was taken by an overwhelming desolation; it didn't matter where he went, he would always carry this monster within - in his mind. In his soul. It was possible to see it, right behind the glow of the brown eyes.

Watching.

So he just stood there, staring at his reflex for a few more seconds before a sharp pain take over his tired body. His head was spinning and he was thrown off balance, but he was able to lean on his hands against the wall to avoid a fall. He was so close to the mirror that he could only see a mess of colorful dots. The pain was getting stronger and he closed his eyes instinctively. It was almost time. He needed to go.

But he couldn't move.

And then the pain stopped in the same sudden way that had started. Remus was panting hard, as if he had just run a marathon. He leaned his body against the wall and collapsed on the floor seconds later. He fell asleep, but instead of having nightmares – that always came along with the moon – Remus saw himself at the age of seven playing in the backyard of his home. There was no pain or suffering… What if the entire curse was nothing more than a bad dream?

But reality dragged him once again. The door burst open and revealed Peter entering the room breathless. Peter stopped a few steps away from Remus, as if he was too scared to get closer.

"Moony… Prongs said that it is time. You should better be going." He stumbled in the words, not quite meeting his friend's eyes. "Do you need help? If you do, I can call them."

"It won't be necessary, Wormtail, but thanks. Could you just ask them to create a distraction so I can get out without being seen?" And he added in a hurry, before Peter reached the door again: "But nothing too dangerous!"

The distraction started after a few more minutes; an explosion followed closely by a burst of laughter. Wasting no more time Remus took his rucksack and left the dormitory. Once in the common room, it was not difficult to notice the distraction: Dr. Filibuster's fabulous wet-start, no-heat fireworks were everywhere. He almost made it to the portrait hole. Almost. A voice called his name.

The last person he would like to see in such situation.

"Remus! Remus! Wait!" Lily kept running towards him with a preoccupied look on her face. "I just want to tell you that…" But he never found out what she wanted to tell him, because at that precise moment James showed up and grabbed Lily's hand. "Come on, Lils. Come see the fireworks." He gave her a charming smile and they both disappeared in the crowd.

After some shortcuts he reached the Whomping Willow in no time. The surrounds were completely dark and empty. The only light came from the tip of his wand searching the floor to find a long stick so that he could freeze the Willow. But then he stood motionless with the strange feeling that someone was watching him. He looked over his shoulder. There in the castle, in a window high above, it was possible to recognize a silhouette. Someone was really watching him. Panicking, he pressed the knot on the tree and disappeared without noticing the sparkle made by half-moon spectacles, nor the phoenix perched in a chair near the window.

The loneliness that he felt when he entered the Shirking Shack was palpable. James, Sirius and Peter always took some time to catch up with him. He sighed, watching the scratched-and-bloody stage of his greatest nightmare. His furry little secret. He hides the rucksack in the insides of the almost torn apart piano; at least he would have clean clothes to wear after the transformation. Feeling anxious, he checked the time and realized that he had just a bunch of minutes before the arrival of the moon. Remus could sense her; smiling down for her faithful slave.

He went upstairs, believing it to be safer transforming in one of the rooms (the chances of escaping the house without his friends were minimal this way). He sat down in one of the lumping beds with a slight grimace. His bones were throbbing, his muscles refusing to obey. He lie down and embrace himself trying to make the coldness go away. Trying to believe that maybe nothing will happen today, maybe it's all just a dream, right?

And then the moonlight came crawling through the boarded window, like a note telling him that he can't get rid of the night because the darkness is – and always will be – a part of him.

The room was dimly lit by the moonlight but, even so, the transformation began. His whole body was shacking uncontrollably while he sunk his fangs in the dusty pillow. Flashes started to pop behind his tightly shut eyelids. A small boy running through the forest - he knew that face, and the place; a memory of his childhood – trying to find his football. He needed to find it. It was a present from his father. But the search was getting more and more difficult without the sunlight. The full moon was the only one lighting up the scene. He found his toy lying beside a big oak tree and when he went nearer a monstrous wolf attacked, throwing him on the ground. Panicking flood through him paralyzing him below those deadly claws. And then he felt the pain. A pain that overcome everything he ever felt before…

Remus screamed. The flashes became blurred and the scream echoed in his mind until the little boy's scream mingled with his own. He had the sensation that something inside was trying to get out; ripping his lungs, flesh and skin. He fell down hitting his back on the floor while fur started to sprout through every pore, bones grew painfully and hands and feet's were replaced by paws.

"Come on. I want it to be over. Take away my conscience, take away my control." The pain was stronger than his willpower. He just wanted to give in.

Death certainly would be more pleasant.

The door creaked, followed closely by a loud bark. Mustering all the strength he had left, Remus opened his - yellow - eyes and saw three animals: dog, rat and deer. His brothers. His pack. He gave a little smile and said with a hoarse, bestial voice:

"You are late."

A truly Marauder never lose his sense of humor. No matter what.

But time had run out. With the moonlight filling up the room, Remus shakes his head while his jaw started to increase. He tried to scream, but wolves could only howl. The werewolf stood up, approaching the boarded window. Even with the sight of the village blocked up the full moon remained visible, and the beast let out a venerate howl for her; announcing to the world that the transformation was complete.

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Well, this is it. If you could leave a comment telling me what you think, it would made my day. Seriously.


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